3 Questions Not To Ask When Your College Student Comes Home for Winter Break

1. How did this semester go?

Not a bad question if your student has had the best semester ever! This semester probably has presented a number of challenges for your student, some of which they shared with you, but I’m sure a bunch they haven’t. If it's been a rough semester, they’re probably going to tell half the story anyway. So flip this question to one that will help to build up their identity and edify them. Ask, “What’s something you’re proud you accomplished this semester?” If they struggle to name something, push them to think about something no matter how small it is. The fact that they finished the semester is something to be proud of! Ask follow up questions to learn more about why they’re proud and what they did to achieve their accomplishment.

2. What are you going to do after you graduate?

This question can be nerve-wrecking for students. Many students are focused on just surviving college and may find it tough to focus on setting aside time to set up their life after college. Instead, ask them, “What are you looking forward to doing after you graduate?”. Then you can ask follow up questions to get a sense of their clarity on next steps for their professional and academic career. Don’t pressure them or prompt them to go straight to grad school or know exactly what job they’ll have. Instead, suggest ways they might be able to get there. This is a great opportunity to be vulnerable. You likely didn’t have it all figured out when you were their age. Share that. And if you did have it all figured out, give them some slack.

3. What’s your GPA?

Just like the first question, this might not be a horrible question if they’ve had a great semester, but if they didn’t have the best semester, they’ll probably tell you half the story. Instead ask, “What class did you enjoy the most this semester?” This can help them to potentially uncover a topic they’re passionate about or at the very least, interested in enough to read more on it outside of school. Engage in a deep conversation with them to learn more about the topic. They might have something to teach you.

Conclusion

Every conversation with your student is an opportunity to improve your relationship with them and affirm their identity as an ambitious and talented young person. Interrogating them isn’t going to help or repay you to get the answers and info you want. Recognize that they’re still growing, they’ll make mistakes, but they’ll learn. An empathic and supportive parent can go a long way with helping them to realize their potential.

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Comment below with questions you usually ask your student.

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